On Top of Old Smoky….

Ryan took up writing a journal of our journey. All annotations are by me, Jamin, and are in italic. Click below to Enjoy…

Journal:

Thursday
6:30 a.m. On the road…to Schnucks. There are two essentials for surviving in the wilds: ice and cash. We also figure a map may prove handy. [If nothing else we'll probably need it to help start the campfire]

6:50 a.m. We need a healthy breakfast for the busy day ahead. However, we decide to grab some McDonald’s on the way out of town instead.

7:05 a.m. Crossing the MO/IL state line. “Play some Skynyrd!” Jamin’s mix CD plays “Gimme 3 Steps”: Smokies, here we come. [Hey, I'm just a 'simple man'.]

7:50 a.m. For a long time, nothing happened. Some rather dreary clouds ahead of us. Morale is low. Jamin has already had to put down one attempt at mutiny. [It was a vicious mutiny at that! Those were some of the darkest moments of my life. I knew the fate of the journey was on a knife's edge. One wrong move, one quick knife thrust to someone's back, and all would be lost. It was in those dark hours that I comforted myself with the knowledge that my death, should it come, would not be in vain.]

9:26 a.m. Paducah, KY. Gas and a rest stop.

10:37 a.m. Entering Tennessee. We see a billboard for a Church’s Chicken and White Castle combination restaurant. Finally somebody but those two together.

11:20 a.m. We are currently stuck in a crowd of people who also want to get the f$%k out of Nashville. Traffic sucks.

1:18 p.m. Entering hill country.

2:40 p.m. WTF? A traffic jam in the middle of nowhere.

2:45 p.m. The last jam was a truck broken down in the left lane. Two minutes later we hit road construction. [Joy]

4:00 p.m. We reached our destination. We chose a site at Cades Cove near the western end of the park. After a bit of a struggle and some ingenious backwoods rigging, we managed to get the canopy up. Our site is covered with gravel rocks which is a bit odd. I can see why, though, since a heavy rain would turn the place to mud.

We are in black bear country and the park has some pretty strict regulations in place as a result. Number one is that no food is to be left out when not in use. Also, we must be mindful of our food waste so that it does not attract bears. [Wish I had brought Gorfin along.]

[From here on out we don't give specific times as we got lazy...deal with it.]

After a delicious dinner of burgers on an open fire, Jamin and I discuss life, the world, and other useless things. Jamin wonders: if attacked by a black bear should you play dead? I am pretty sure that only applies to grizzlies. If a black bear attacks you, you should fight back. Jamin follows up with the obvious question: how does one fight a black bear? I suggest a swift kick to the testicles (I’m pretty sure it’s okay to fight dirty against a bear). In the case of a female bear, as with fighting females of any species, just accept the fact that you will lose.

Drinking is good.

The night is clouding up. We have seen very few stars, although the moon is shining through. Hope it doesn’t rain tonight.

[We slept. Now it's Friday.]

We have absolutely no idea what there is to do, so we decide to go for a drive. Almost as soon as we leave the campground we find an 11 mile auto tour. An informational guide is available but we forgo that and just enjoy the sights. The tour features some great scenery as well as some great road signs: “Do not drive in fields” and “Primitive Baptist Church.” More than once we spot deer grazing along the edge of the road and are able to get some very close up pictures.

Our wanderlust not yet satisfied, we consult a map of the park. Clingman’s Dome, the highest point in the park and third highest peak east of the Mississippi. Sounds like fun. The road to the top is long, steep, and winding. We are reminded of the kinds of roads they show in car commercials. [And God, was it fun to drive in my Spec-V] At points along the way, we stop for photos. In some places the mountain tops are wrapped in fog and clouds giving them an almost ancient feel. No wonder they are called the smokies. [I also felt at times that I was in Middle Earth. The Misty Mountains or something.]

As we near the top of Clingman’s Dome, we are enveloped in a thick mist. It is much cooler up here and so as we reach the end of the road we put on some extra clothing. A sign in the parking area near some boulders reads: “Serious injuries have occured on these rocks. Do not climb.” [We cover up various words to make the sign read differently.] Jamin comments the sign should be made to read “Serious injuries rocks.” A 1/2 mile paved walkway leads to the summit where a tower above the treetops offers a view for miles, on a clear day anyway. The fog is so thick that it nearly obscures the ground. While up there I overhear a conversation with a backpacker who has been hiking the Appalachian Trail. The trail crosses the park on its way north along the mountains, and it climbs Clingman’s Dome in doing so. I want to hike the trail like this man. Not this weekend, though.

After a quick lunch, we make the long drive back to camp. Once there, I decide to take a nap while Jamin continues reading Out of the Silent Planet, the first book in C.S. Lewis’ space trilogy.

Dinner tonight is spaghetti and chicken, which turns out quite nicely. While we clean up, I wonder what we should do with the dishwater that is laden with spaghetti sauce. As a suitable drain is not readily available, I dump the water out on the gravel and comment, “If a bear wants to lick our saucy rocks, he can go right ahead.” Immediately I realize how this remark might be taken out of context. NOTE: At no point during the trip did a bear lick our rocks, saucy or otherwise.

We drank pretty much all the beer last night, so we have switched to Jameson this evening. Another fire, another conversation. It’s amazing how one can sit and watch a fire and not get bored. [Well, I think the Whiskey helped]

[We slept. Friday is dead. So it goes]

A bacon and eggs breakfast this morning, although taking more time to prepare, is well worth the effort. It has been decided that today we will do some hiking. We were going to do 5 miles, but the shortest nearby trail is 9 miles. The first 3 1/2 miles of which is a fairly hellish climb up a mountain. Along the way we spot a rattlesnake, the first one either of us have actually seen in the wild. While hiking along the mountain ridge we get some spectacular views of the country below.

Back at camp, Jamin sleeps while I read my book on controversial theories in modern science. We have burgers again. We have eaten a lot of meat on this trip. But, I think this is part of what makes America great, going all the way back to the Revolution. While the English had tea and crumpets, American soldiers were eating raw squirrel meat and drinking whiskey. Jamin and I are dutifully carrying on that tradition. [Agreed, although tea and crumpets sound smegging good right about now.]

Sitting by the fire, I tease Jamin about what I call his “search for the elusive Appalachian Wood Nymph”. These creatures can be identified by their Birkenstocks, braided hair, and bandana headwear, as well as their affinity for the marijuana leaf. I kid, Jamin. I kid because I love. [Yeah, that and the fact that you're an ass. But it is true the Nymphs (Appalachian Wood or otherwise) were scarce.]

As we go to sleep, a pretty heavy storm begins. We manage to stay fairly dry through the night, even as the rain continues into the morning….

[We slept. Or at least we tried. Between Ryan snoring, the thirty-somethings chattering into the night with their "funny" stories of having to take their kids peeing in the woods, the thunderstorm, and Wood Nymphs dancing in my head, I had a heard time getting to sleep. But eventually sleep came. I had strange dreams involving street racing and treadmills of all things. But that's another tale....Now it's Sunday.]

This morning the tent and canopy are still pretty wet. Not wanting to waste time, we go ahead and loosely pack the wet gear and head out. We have conquered nature, and the world is once again safe for democracy.

[The trip was seriously invigorating. After pushing my body on the dayhike, drinking, smoking, and conversing the nights away by a fire, gazing at the wildlife and amazing scenery, and not showering for 4 days, I think I learned a little about myself and Ryan that I didn't already know. I was going to scatter links to photos throughout the story, but I've decided just to link to them all in one place, below. Enjoy, and next time, come with us!]

Click here to see the pictures.

Tags: Personal