There is a line from a rather bad poem I wrote as a teenager which goes like this:
somnolent i gaze
perceiving the chaos.
lassitude: my only elation,
all i feel is enervation.
There is a line from a poem by Anne Bronte which goes like this:
I have gone backward in the work,
The labour has not sped,
Drowsy and dark my spirit lies,
Heavy and dull as lead.
How can I rouse my sinking soul
From such a lethargy?
How can I break these iron chains,
And set my spirit free?
The point is not to compare these two–”Despondency” is clearly the better–but rather that in my personal life lately, I’ve felt a certain lack of impetus. Something sparked a change last night. Maybe it was the changing of the weather. Perhaps it was receiving a kind word in an email from someone yesterday. Whatever it was, I felt different. After watching the Vice Presidential debates, I folded laundry and paid bills while listening to Mozart’s Requiem at a loud volume. I struggled to translate the Latin:
Dies irae, dies illa
Solvet saeclum in favilla,
teste David cum Sibylla.
Quantus tremor est futurus,
quando judex est venturus,
cuncta stricte discussurus!
One of the lines I could easily translate was Quantus tremor est futurus (Great trembling there will be). It occurred to me at that moment that it has been a great long time since I have “trembled greatly” either in anticipation or fear. I don’t think that is because the world around me has changed. I think it is because I have changed.
This morning I woke up feeling refreshed and thrilled to be alive. While reading my new email this morning, I found the following buried in a note from a friend:
“Some things have to be believed to be seen.” –Ralph Hodgson
How. True.
Tags: Personal
