Nov
26

Must Have, Can’t Stand

jamin on November 26th, 2005

I posted this on a friend’s blog, but it bears repeating–I’ve yet to find a woman who meets these requirements:

Must Have

  1. Passionate
  2. Intelligent
  3. Like-minded yet able to challenge me
  4. Enjoys reading and writing
  5. Witty, sarcastic humor
  6. Adventurous
  7. Loyal and Faithful
  8. Attractive
  9. Empathetic and Caring
  10. Romantic, poetic, tragic, and single…with a touch of shyness and humility.

Can’t Stand

  1. Self-absorbed
  2. Non-stop talker
  3. Boring
  4. Shallow
  5. Loose/Easy
  6. Obsessed with Shopping
  7. Watches TV/movies constantly
  8. Manipulative
  9. Gossip
  10. Has to dominate conversations and social situations.

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19 Responses to “Must Have, Can’t Stand”

  1. Anonymous George
    November 26th, 2005 at 6:18 am

    You must be the first to turn p.g.o into a dating site. I’m sure nobody minds, but I also hope this does not catch on.

  2. Nikos Kouremenos
    November 26th, 2005 at 7:15 am

    ;)

  3. Jonathan Turner
    November 26th, 2005 at 8:16 am

    Your list makes me chuckle. Sounds like stuff we all want(tm).

    Are your lists in a particular order? Anything you’re willing to compromise on?

  4. Thomas McMahon
    November 26th, 2005 at 8:47 am

    Hi Jamin,

    I remember reading some where that the only people that are perfect are the ones that you don’t know very well. Maybe think about that in relation to your must/’nt/have list :)

    Thomas

  5. Ben
    November 26th, 2005 at 8:58 am

    11. Bangs like an outhouse door in a cyclone

  6. Nermal
    November 26th, 2005 at 10:14 am

    Hmm.. I fit all those criteria in the right order, with the possible exception of no 10. on can’t stand. I wonder if women are looking for similar things in a man…

  7. Hank
    November 26th, 2005 at 12:19 pm

    Someone’s destined to die alone

  8. jamin
    November 26th, 2005 at 1:45 pm

    anonymous: Sorry if it bothered you. My post wasn’t really for the p.g.o readers…

    Jonathan: No, it’s not in any particular order, and of course I’m willing to compromise. I was talking with a friend about dating and she asked me, “Well, what are you looking for?” So I sat down and decided to make a list of things that attract me to a woman or turn me off when I meet someone. Some things that turn me off I’d be willing to live with, like being obsessed with shopping. It might annoy me, but I don’t think that would define who she is, so I could look past it. ;) Relationships are all about compromises and I’m sure there would be things about me that would drive her nuts too.

    Thomas: Very true. I’m not looking for someone who is perfect. :)

    Nermal: Good question. Any ladies care to comment on what you’re looking for in a man?

    Hank: That’s a pretty cynical attitude. :)

  9. Anonymous George
    November 26th, 2005 at 3:24 pm

    Naah, I was just scared you might end up coupled with Hadess or something.

  10. nobody
    November 26th, 2005 at 5:14 pm

    So ask a bunch of girls how many of the “Can’t Stand” items you would fit under. Might be enlightening.

  11. nobody
    November 26th, 2005 at 5:28 pm

    Here’s a better list:

    1. attractive enough to get you horny and willing to dress up if you want her to
    2. believes in you regardless of how down in the dumps you feel
    3. forgives and forgets; can laugh at herself and with you at yourself
    4. is OK with you living your life and she living hers and you opting out of things you don’t care for even if it’s her family gatherings or friends
    5. laughs at your jokes and shrugs off your tantrums but listens to your concerns
    6. always willing to try new things, whether at the supper table or in bed

    That’s a list that translates into a long, satisfying marriage. Your list really reflects a shallow experience of dating.

  12. spacey
    November 27th, 2005 at 1:06 pm

    I don’t think you’ll ever get a long-term relationship with that list. ;)

  13. Nobody
    November 27th, 2005 at 4:14 pm

    Hmm sarcastic humour and caring/empathic these are contradictory since sarcasim is the
    antithesis of empathic and caring. Perhaps if you substituted ironic for sarcastic you would
    be on firmer ground.

  14. jamin
    November 27th, 2005 at 4:27 pm

    So ask a bunch of girls how many of the “Can’t Stand” items you would fit under. Might be enlightening.

    Good idea.

    spacey: I humbly disagree. :) I’ve actually met a number of women in my life who exhibit these qualities (except for being single). I know they are out there.

    Hmm sarcastic humour and caring/empathic these are contradictory since sarcasim is the antithesis of empathic and caring. Perhaps if you substituted ironic for sarcastic you would be on firmer ground.

    I’m pretty sure I did in fact mean to use the word sarcasm. :) “a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual.” You can use satire and sarcasm in your wit and still be a loving, caring individual. I’m not looking for someone who is a sarcastic, pessimistic individual, but rather someone who can appreciate sarcastic, satircial humor. These are two separate qualities.

  15. Impressed
    November 28th, 2005 at 1:53 am

    I loved your list of qualities you look for (a friend of mine found it and showed me). If that’s what you want in a woman, I hope that’s what you stand firm on and scare the unworthy ones away. Your list of requirements sounds like something you would want of a best friend, and that is what a life partner should have as well. Good job ! Also, don’t loose hope that there aren’t any like that, because I’ve met ones like your list and they wonder where all the guys are that meet those same lines. My personal philosophy is that whatever I expect and want in someone else is what I expect and stive for in myself as well.

    Also, the name Jamin is awesome. Are you named after someone or are you named after the Bible Jamin in the Old Testament ?

  16. jamin
    November 28th, 2005 at 8:38 am

    Impressed: thanks for the encouragement. I’m named after the Old Testament Jamin. Son of Simeon, grandson of Jacob–the Jaminite Clan.

  17. It's all about the "Can't stand"
    November 29th, 2005 at 10:05 am

    What will you do when you find a woman that matches your list of requirements? You will force yourself into loving her or you settle for a nice, agreed upon friendship?
    One day you will love a woman with a lot of “can’t stand features”. And then, you will realize those are the “features” that make you love her, not just like her. Those are the features you come to appreciate on a lover and hate on everyone else. Liking the virtues of someone is easy. That’s what you do everyday with people you meet. When you find someone full of “Can’t stands” and you actually think they’re kind of funny and sweet, you’ll know love has kicked in.

  18. Amy
    November 30th, 2005 at 1:11 am

    I knew you were the one who wrote that. :)

  19. Stephanie
    December 17th, 2005 at 9:47 pm

    Jamin~ GREAT LIST!!! Don’t let go of it, and make sure the people you date fit those requirements… not necessarily to a T, but make sure you know what you are willing to compromise on. Make sure the must haves are met though! Sometimes we compromise on too much just to avoid lonliness, but you are a really great guy and really deserve the best. I was just ranting on my myspace.com site about dating. I know that we have alot of the same thoughts on it right now, but I know that one day the intended person will come along for us both! If you want to read my rant… feel free! http://blog.myspace.com/stephaniebell I welcome you and anyone else’s input and comments!!! (You do have to subcribe to the site, but it’s free.)